An Open Letter to the Woman Who Thinks She’s Disappointed God

an open letter to the woman who thinks she's disappointed God

The Google search phrase makes me catch my breath: Is God disappointed in me?

I feel a stabbing in my chest. I want to grab the person by the shoulders, look her in the eyes and say, “No. No, sweet sister. You can’t disappoint God. You are his daughter. Once you are in Christ he clothes you. He takes off your rags and exchanges them for his robes of righteousness.”

But I can’t. I don’t know who you are or what your day holds. I don’t know if you are knee deep in laundry or diapers, wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. Perhaps you’re holding on to the last fragment of hope in a marriage or wondering if your son will come home after the fight you had this morning.

I write this letter to you in hopes that the truth of this message will sink in. I pray it will trickle into your subconscious and you will recollect these words when the lies of the enemy threaten to overtake your thoughts.

First, let me say I have been where you are. All too recently.

I have felt like God was looking down at me saying, “Seriously? You expect me to still listen to you after that?” I have carried the weight of guilt on my shoulders for a harsh word uttered at my children and a shopping indulgence I knew I should have avoided. I could go on. He knows the entire list.

And yet despite my guilt, he beckons me. He sees the work he’s doing in me, and how far he’s brought me.

He sees me for the child I’m yearning to become. That I am becoming.

He who began a good work in me is faithful. (Philippians 1:6)

woman who thinks she's disappointed God

Yes, there are sometimes consequences and yes there is discipline but he never shuns. He welcomes me with open arms, the same way he welcomes you.

I’m in the second trimester of my third pregnancy, and I am consumed with all things baby. I’d forgotten how much it changes your perspective, knowing there is life being created inside you.

Last week I went in for a prenatal checkup and for a brief moment, the doctor had trouble finding the baby’s heartbeat with the doppler. My heart sank. I silently pled with Jesus to bring that rapid, steady beat and after I changed my position on the table, there it was.

I could have cried. It gave my soul sweet rest and I wanted grasp the doctors hand, keeping the instrument on my belly a bit longer as I absorbed the rhythm.

His love is like that, you know. Like a steady heartbeat, beckoning us to come to him. 

For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.

Malachi 3:6 ESV

Even when we can’t feel it or think he’s far away, he’s right there loving us through our doubt. It is constant like my miracle’s tiny heart, giving us rest. Giving us faith to trust in what we can’t understand.

As crazy as it may sound, I heart it last week. The swooshing, rhythmic beat that eluded me for a slow moment of panic gave me confidence in his unchanging adoration.

It was as though he was saying, “Even when you can’t see me or feel my presence, I’m right here. The love I have for you doesn’t change.”

Once you come to him, he has the same adoration for you. Despite your flaws. Despite your shortcomings.

Stop striving to gain his love and rest in knowing it is yours. Stop striving to serve him and delight in knowing him.

 

GIVEAWAY:

Congrats to Lorraine Reep! You are the winner of a copy of Suzanne Eller’s new book, Come With Me. I will be contacting you regarding shipping. Congrats!

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Woman Who Thinks She’s Disappointed God

  1. Thank you sister. When God first started using me in the church, I felt like thrash in those days. But later on I told myself, if He hasn’t sent me parking, then He surely cares about me.
    It’s a long way down the lane since then and I’ve learned that God’s love is unconditional and unchangeable. I’ve messed up real bad some times, but when I came crying and repenting, He was always there for me. What a God we serve!

    Like

    • Getiana, thanks so much for sharing this here today. Yes, praise God that his love doesn’t look like any human love we’ve ever experienced. It is perfect and holy. Have a great Tuesday!

      Liked by 1 person

    • I have been struggling with this. I had gotten off track for a little while and I am making my way back and Wow!!!! God is taken me deeper and to another level, it’s awesome. God wanted me to grow and use me for His Kingdom. Prayers to Stand Strong against attacks from the enemy. I think being a Mom is our greatest calling from God. Prayers for you and your Baby💕 Thank you Jesus for saving me and for your Love💕💕

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Abby,
    The number of times I’ve doubted and wondered if God is disappointed in me?? …too many to count. How true that He is right there loving us through our doubts. Stretching out his palms like He did for Thomas. I also have come to realize that just because I doubt, doesn’t mean that God doubts. Because of sin, I get disappointed and I doubt, but God is perfect and so He never gets disappointed and He never doubts – that would be going against His character which is Love. So thankful that God’s ways are higher than my ways. Thanks for a good dose of reassurance.
    Blessings and prayers for you throughout your pregnancy and delivery,
    Bev xx

    Like

  3. Abby, i think we all question that at times. When we’ve really blown it and wonder how and whether God can ever use us. We are such frail flesh, but it’s good to realize that and know that God uses us despite ourselves, not b/c of ourselves. Love the thought of you hearing the beautiful “swooshing” sound of your baby’s heartbeat!

    Like

    • Yes, he’s certainly showing me things throughout this pregnancy and making me think. Life truly is a miracle! Thanks for your encouragement, dear friend.

      Like

  4. Praise Jesus!!! I thank God for you Sis right now tears in my eyes because I honestly had been feeling this way lately and I thank the Lord for His Word on today.  Thank You thank You thank You Jesus!!!! Charollet kingdom living

    Like

  5. Praise Jesus!!! I thank God for you Sis right now tears in my eyes because I honestly had been feeling this way lately and I thank the Lord for His Word on today. Thank You thank You thank You Jesus!!!

    Like

    • Charollet, I have tears in my eyes too after reading this comment. Yes, thank you Jesus! I think we all need this reminder now and then. ❤

      Like

  6. Such hope here, Abby. Thank you. This is such a comforting reminder – “Even when we can’t feel it or think he’s far away, he’s right there loving us through our doubt.” I am so glad He is so patient with us and that He doesn’t condemn us. Blessings and hugs to you!

    Like

    • This is a reminder I need often, Trudy, and when I saw those words in my analytics I knew sometimes else needed it too. Thanks so much for your continual encouragement, friend. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This has been me, Abby. I didn’t type those words in the search engine buy I have thought them. Thanks for taking the time to write this, friend!

    Like

Share your thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s