Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you… 1 Peter 1:3-4 NIV (emphasis mine)

1 Peter 1:3-4 NIV (emphasis mine)

It was a single word I’d passed over time and time again, but it struck me in a way that left my eyes wet and my hands trembling as I ran my finger over the black and white.

We hope because Jesus is more than black and white in a book. The blood that courses through our veins filled his.

We hope because he left his place in heaven and chose to become dusty and dirty with us, walking with the afflicted and the poor. And then he took the darkness which threatens to consume us on himself.

All of it.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:26 NIV

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Matthew 27:26 NIV

We don’t ever have to ask the haunting question Jesus screamed on the cross. When we rail against the hurt and the unknown, we can rest assured that he when he said, “It is finished,” he meant it.

This hope is living because he is living. Living to intercede. Living to comfort in the moments when life overwhelms.

He breathes life in the gap between this life and the next. He breathes life in the unknown. He is there.

And when the questions don’t stop or the answers don’t come, his grace still fills the empty spaces.

Linking up with these communities: #LiveFreeThursday

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“So what are you going to do?”

It was an honest question, but it hurt. My new acquaintance was already getting on my nerves, and after responding with feigned confidence, I made my exit as politely as possible and went looking for my husband.

Doubt can be such a lonely place.

I was seven months pregnant and my husband and I were living over two thousand miles from the place I’d spent my entire life. We had no family nearby and friends were slow in coming.

So the question, “What are you going to do?” was very real, but I hadn’t voiced it out loud. Whenever it darkened my thoughts I’d recite trite phrases like, “sink or swim,” but the cliché didn’t make me feel any better or make the uncertainty go away.

I knew nothing about babies and I trapped myself in a cell of my own making, afraid to give a voice to the thoughts which filled my head. I saw other moms who seemed to possess such unshakable confidence and wondered why I couldn’t grasp hold of any.

For months, I feared giving my doubt a voice. I thought speaking it out loud would give it life. As long as I kept it buried, never sharing it or voicing it, I believed it would simply go away.

But the longer I kept it buried, the more it continued to grow.

If we look at scripture, we encounter many men and women of God who experienced doubt. But few of them move me and shake me more than Thomas, who is often dubbed “Doubting Thomas.”

Thomas didn’t just doubt inwardly. He spoke it loudly and without hesitation. When the disciples told him they had seen the risen Lord, he declared he wouldn’t believe until felt the scars on his hands and placed his fingers into his side. (John 20:25)

Pretty bold in his uncertainty, wasn’t he? And do you know what happened when he uttered those words of disbelief?

Jesus appeared to him. Not as a passerby or by chance, but specifically for the purpose of helping Thomas believe.

Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” John 20:27 NIV

Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

John 20:27 NIV

When we give our doubt a voice, Jesus can expel it with his voice.

Doubt, when wrestled through and given a name, can create greater faith.

Jesus didn’t appear to Thomas and rebuke him for doubting or punish him for saying something so outrageous. He gave him want his heart desired, followed by a straightforward command, “Believe.”

I spent my first year as a mom not believing. In myself, in God’s ability to use me, or anything else. I hid my doubt and disbelief because I was ashamed.

Over time, God used some beautiful women in my life to show me it was okay to open up the vault and be real. And when I voiced my true feelings, my darkness was met with his Light.

Are you facing a wall of doubt today, but afraid to speak the words aloud? Can I encourage you? Speak. Come before the throne of grace and speak.

He takes those thoughts of “not enough,” and “not worthy” and shows us He is able to provide more than we can ask, think or imagine.

And like Thomas, whose bold declaration of doubt brought a face to face encounter with Jesus, we can say nothing but, “My Lord and My God!”

Fall at the feet of the One who can turn our doubt into bold declarations of faith.

I poked at the fire, frustrated that it wasn’t staying aflame. This girl was no scout. The temperatures outside had reached single digits, and our furnace was having a hard time keeping up.

After spending an hour trying different techniques, adding wood, scraps of paper, and using more fire starters than any person should, the flame blazed hot enough for the wood stove’s fan to cut on, circulating the heat throughout the house. My mouth spread into a victorious smile.

The problem was, I didn’t know what I’d done right.

Later, after my husband returned from a business trip, he explained the basics of fire building to this city girl. I listened intently, determined not to have the predicament repeat itself.

Even my son, the cub scout, knew the basics of fire 101. I guess I should have asked him, right?

As any seasoned camper should know, fires need three basic components: heat, fuel, and oxygen.

It turns out, I had given my fire plenty of heat and fuel, but I’d neglected oxygen almost altogether. Instead of giving my flame room to breath by spreading the wood in a triangular shape, I’d smothered it.

Fires need room to breathe. And much like the flame I’d suffocated with its own fuel, I often adapt the same pattern in my spiritual life.

Will you continue reading with me today? I’m sharing what I learned about keeping God’s flame alive over at Purposeful Faith. Click here to read the rest of my post.

Linking up with these communities: Grace & Truth

A few days ago, I took a trip back to middle school. Not in the literal sense, but in my head. I was surrounded by sticky floors, kids racing around on bright wheels, and 80’s music.

We were at the neighborhood skating rink.

It was my oldest son’s first time on skates and for thirty minutes he spent as much time on the floor as he did on his feet. Within an hour, he was ready to leave.

“It’s hard, Mama,” he complained, giving me his best tone of defeat and stepping off the big rink.

I knew it was. I could see he was trying. But I also knew if he kept going and allowed his body to adapt to feet on wheels, he would love it.

“I know it’s hard, buddy. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay to give up.”

He skated slowly back over to the small rink, struggled over the lip of outer edge, and made another lap. Then another, and another.

When an hour passed and it was time to leave, he was hot and sweaty, but he didn’t want to go.

“Can we come back again next week, Mama?”

I smiled and told him we’d be back soon.

In the short time it took this local business to blast some of my favorite flashback tunes, my son went from frustrated and defeated to proud and ready for more. He went from complaining to celebrating. And all it took was a little push.

You can do this. Keep going. Don’t give up.

The situation reminded me of a conversation I had with God as I walked our dogs on a cold, star-filled night. I told him I was tired. There were areas in my life where I was ready to quit, and I needed wisdom and guidance.

Sometimes, when I pray these prayers, I believe somehow God is going to make everything better and the situation will miraculously change. Occasionally, it does. But often, God’s response is the same as mine was to my son.

I once heard someone say there is nothing in life worth having that doesn’t require a fight. A struggle of some sort. An inner decision where we say no matter what, we’re going to keep at it.

The apostle Paul tells us,

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12 NIV

Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1 Timothy 6:12 NIV

Deep down, I know I have to keep fighting. I look at everything in life I hold most dear: faith, marriage, kids, ministry, writing and relationships. None of them are easy. There are seasons of joy, doubt, and suffering.

But when those moments of clarity come, I see how God uses each one to refine, to grow us, and mature us into beautiful reflections of his glory. Even when I don’t feel his presence, he carries me through those moments of weakness.

The struggle isn’t a signal to stop, but a sign keep going.

Can I come alongside you and tell you a few things today?

God sees your work. He sees your effort and each step you take toward him.

He knows your struggle. He is there with you and will help you, just like I helped my son in those moments when his feet faltered.

He’s a good father. He isn’t up there, looking down his nose or pointing his finger at you. He longs for you to come to him with your struggles, your worries and disappointments.

His Spirit will help you. Keep going. Don’t give up.

* Linking up with these communities: #RaRaLinkup , #IntentionalTuesday , #TellHisStory

“Mama, Mama?”

I hear my four-year-old’s voice beside me and try to muster the energy to respond. He’s going through a phase where he craves attention more than my oldest, and he questions everything.

“What’s that, Mama?”

“What’s he doing?”

“Why? Why? Why?”

I know there will come a day when the questions are few and far between, so I try to be present and let him know his curious spirit is valued and loved. But I am exhausted.

A warm cup of coffee and a new book beckon me, but I’ll be lucky to get to either before nightfall. And deep down I know this yearning to escape isn’t limited to my son’s inquisitiveness.

During difficult seasons, I often sleepwalk through life. I trick myself into thinking if I can just make it to bedtime, make it to the weekend, or make it to the next break, I will be okay.

But the hard truth is that going through the motions of life on autopilot is not okay. I’m not living, but slowly dying in a state of unconsciousness.

I’m sure there have been times when God has answered a cry for help and I didn’t even notice. Why? I was wrapped up in self-preservation, numb to what was happening around me. I blanket hurt and worry with busyness, shopping or a new show on Netflix.

What I’ve come to realize is this: If I want to receive God’s blessing, I have to be awake to see it. Sometimes the blessing comes through hardship, which allows me to see his glory. He purifies me through the struggle and shows me even in the midst of the valley, there is reason to praise and worship.

In 2016 I want to live life “awake,” which is why I’ve chosen this as my “one word” for the year. Whether I’m experiencing the joy of a milestone accomplished or in the throes of a financial crisis, I want to experience it with my eyes open, because that’s the only way to truly live.

Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. Ephesians 5:14 ESV

Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.

Ephesians 5:14 ESV

Do you want Christ to shine on you? Oh Lord, I do.

God, I don’t want to sleepwalk through any of the seasons I am present on this earth. The time is short, and like vapor we are here one moment, and gone the next. Help me to keep my eyes fixed on you, even when life gets difficult. Awake me to the glorious wonders of your presence, right here in the every day.

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The light was so near I could almost grasp it. I sensed the end to a long season of stress and difficulty and was ready for smooth sailing, Christmas decorating and time with family. Then my son got sick.

Unfortunately his health was only the beginning of the turn toward Grinchville and by the end of the week water and sewage was bubbling up into the bathtub every time I did the laundry. I could feel my attention slowly diverting from the joy and the wonder of the holidays and toward the muck.

I turned to the news. The internet was filled with terror and finger pointing, the ground underneath me seemed a little shakier.

Where do we look to find solace? When peace seems like an unrealistic ideal and you’re not sure it’s safe to take a shower in your house, where do you seek comfort?

Often, I place my hope in results . Which is why the light at the end of a few hard months was so comforting. Even though I couldn’t bathe in it yet, I could see it. But then it drifted further away.

Or did it?

I tell myself, “Once the kids are completely healthy, the bank account is full and the house is in order, I will stop worrying.” The only trouble is, it never quite works like that, does it? Even when we reach those mountaintops, we find there isn’t much life up there. And it isn’t long before we’re headed into another valley.

As I was reading through the story of Peter’s walk on the water this week, there were two facts which stood out to me. First, Jesus doesn’t calm the storm when he calls Peter to get out of the boat. No, Peter has to walk toward him in the middle of the storm. Two, Peter succeeds until he takes his eyes off Jesus.

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. Matthew 14:30-31 NIV

But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

Matthew 14:30-31 NIV

Peter’s outcome was not determined by the absence of the storm, but the presence of Jesus.

And the same is true for us.

If we go through life with thinking our lives must be trouble-free in order to thrive, we will never experience faith. We will live in a constant state of waiting and miss the opportunity to grow right here in the now.

The writer of Hebrews tells us faith is not the evidence of things seen, but unseen. (Hebrews 11:1) This is where our hope lies, friends. And when our world becomes shaky and our surroundings tinged by evidence of our dark enemy, we must focus on the Author of that hope.

Our anchor is in Him, not the chaos around us. We can take comfort in knowing when we ache, the One who suffered and bled is aching with us.

And the more I bask in that truth, the more I realize the Light never moved. I simply mistook the light for a set of circumstances. But lucky for me, God’s glory isn’t dependent on my notions of “the good life.” It goes beyond anything I could ever think or comprehend.

Sometimes to find his Light we need only to be still.

And as we warm ourselves in the weight of it, we realize it was there all along.

Linking up with these communities: #RaRaLinkup , #IntentionalTuesday , #CoffeeForYourHeart

“If you are the Son of God…” (Matthew 4:3)

Ah, the tactics of the enemy.

Isn’t this the same question the he’s asked since the beginning? These manipulative words attack Jesus’ identity when he is in the middle of the desert, hungry and exhausted. Matthew aptly refers to Satan in this passage as “the tempter.”

Although his angle varies, the father of lies loves to question. He makes us doubt what we believe and second-guess what we heard from the One who is the source of all things good and true.

“ Did God really say…” (Genesis 3:1)

If the foundation of our trust becomes shaky, then everything else will shake along with it. And no one knows this better than the one who’s been telling lies from the beginning.

As much as I would like to have a trumpet blast or an alarm to announce when the enemy of my soul is on the prowl, this isn’t how he works. His strongholds start in the mind, and once he builds his fortress there, actions follow suit.

Then calamity hits and I question the goodness of God. Just like the battle between good and evil in the wilderness all those years ago, God’s identity is in question.

Will you continue reading with me? Today I’m sharing over at PurposefulFaith.com, and I’d love to have you join me as we dig deeper into this topic. You can read the rest of my post here.

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Hi! I'm Abby and I'm so glad you're here. I am a wife and a mom of two very energetic boys. When I'm not chasing them around I love to write about my love for a God who relentlessly pursued me, even during my darkest times. Read more...

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